Our family

Our family

Friday, February 15, 2013

My Funny Valentines

I hope everyone had a wonderful Valentine's Day! We had a very busy day of friends, playdates and coffee for Mama and we served heart-shaped cookies that Oliver helped decorate! Andrew stopped by on his lunch break to deliver me a beautiful bouquet of flowers (I'm surprised he braved the playdate hoopla).

I am working at being positive and feeling better, being more active and looking forward to spring. The sixth month mark is approaching and the discussion on trying again has begun.... I have really mixed feelings here.
I suppose I thought I would be more apprehensive or anxious, but I am just completely settled with the notion that I have no control....so what's the point? I am letting go of the wheel (as if I was ever truly steering). Que sera sera.

On another note, I feel very blessed to have my little Oliver in my life. While he sometimes (often) has me tearing my hair out, he is the sweetest little boy there ever was! Tonight we were snuggled on the couch, watching Madagascar and eating grapes and he jumped up and said, "Olvee so happy, wuv my Mama Dada!". Heart melting, Mama loves you too!

Monday, February 4, 2013

Mama be sad!

Life is getting very busy again, I guess that explains the random monthly posts we're getting down to. Sometimes I think that busy is great because it keeps me from being too mopey, I like to be too busy to feel sorry for myself. And sometimes it just catches up with me. You can't run away from the grief, it's there. I am finding that if I'm too busy to give myself time to be sad for a while, if I keep pushing it down....it comes up.
I'm in one of those phases, the last few days it has really been catching up with me. Oliver has been reminding me of Max a lot. Tonight he pointed to some pictures we have framed on the wall and said, "That's mama's baby, be sad" and we said yes, that it was baby Max and that he was sleeping. He said, "He'll wake up soon. Gotta find him mama, he's gone!" We explained that he was in Heaven and that we'd find him some day.
Yeah, two year olds don't really know what's going on, right? Well, he summed that up pretty quickly.
I guess I'm glad that he's getting an understanding of his brother, I don't want him to find out in some shocking way when he's twelve but it's difficult to know how to explain things to a toddler.
We had another experience in the fall at an immunization clinic where he wanted to see a couple's baby and we kept bringing him away (they didn't seem too warm to the idea of a sticky two year old near their new baby), finally he was yelling, "See baby Max!" Awkward.... We left soon after, trying to explain to him that that wasn't baby Max.
Maybe there is a book I can read to him....Lord knows I've found out lately that there are books about all sorts of things you wouldn't expect.