Oliver is ecstatic with 'his baby'! He calls her Baby Madeline, which sounds like Baby Melon when he says it...lol, a memory for her baby book.
These first few weeks home have broken open the grief all over again. All of these firsts that we never got to have with Max and how she looks so much like he did. I'm struggling with so many emotions, from being so happy and totally infatuated with her to guilt and anger and frustration about why her and not Max. Why does she get to be here and not him? There is simply no answer to that question that will ever satisfy me.
As if it's not difficult enough adding a family member and adjusting with a new baby, but to throw in all of this grief and guilt and anger... What a mess!
We feel so very blessed to have our two sweet babes here, but what we wouldn't give to have all three of our children in our arms.