Max's little sister!

 Max and Oliver are big brothers! Our sweet little Madeline Alana finally arrived on November 25th, she weighed 9lbs 10oz and was 20.5 inches long. We both had a bit of a rough start, she was admitted to the NICU with low blood sugar and spent 8 days there, during which I ended up dealing with postpartum hypertension again. Now we are finally both home and healthy and settling in.
Oliver is ecstatic with 'his baby'! He calls her Baby Madeline, which sounds like Baby Melon when he says it...lol, a memory for her baby book.
These first few weeks home have broken open the grief all over again. All of these firsts that we never got to have with Max and how she looks so much like he did. I'm struggling with so many emotions, from being so happy and totally infatuated with her to guilt and anger and frustration about why her and not Max. Why does she get to be here and not him? There is simply no answer to that question that will ever satisfy me.
As if it's not difficult enough adding a family member and adjusting with a new baby, but to throw in all of this grief and guilt and anger... What a mess!
We feel so very blessed to have our two sweet babes here, but what we wouldn't give to have all three of our children in our arms.