Friday, August 16, 2013
I thought I'd write about this as it has come up a few times recently for myself and a few others that I know.
I am and always will be a mother of two boys and one girl, that is how I think of myself. I have three children, one of them is no longer with me but I will always be his mother.
I know that most people just don't mention or don't want to bring Max up for fear of upsetting me. Don't worry, you won't. If I cry when you mention him, thank you for the opportunity to remember him. I won't ever forget that I have two sons, he is never far from my mind.
If you think I seem to be having a good day and you don't want to remind me...don't worry, it's not like I ever forget, even for a second, I'm just getting better at life again. And if I do cry, it wasn't you who made me, it was the loss of my child...and maybe I really needed to cry today.
I just want to clear this up, and I think I speak for many when I say that we appreciate remembrance of our children and will always think of ourselves as their mothers, whether they are here or not. Someone who has lost their only child is still a parent, likewise I will always think of myself as a mother of three.
I know that this is a touchy subject for many who have lost children, especially babies. When someone asks how many kids you have and how old they are....what do you say? Sometimes we go into detail (and people are sorry they asked), sometimes we don't, but we never forget. Sometimes filling out forms is awkward, there isn't always space or need for lengthy explanation....but we will never forget our child who is no longer with us.
Please don't feel like you shouldn't remember my child or mention him to me, he was and always will be a part of my life. His brief life meant as much to me as the lives of my other children, we just didn't have enough time together. It is what it is, denying that I ever had him will not change the fact that I lost my son. I choose to honour his memory instead.