Our family

Our family

Friday, November 30, 2012

Spilled Milk

I'm finding myself short on patience lately, I don't want to always be so angry. I guess it's just the spilled milk issue...trust me, it's not worth crying over. Wipe it up and move on, don't waste your energy getting so upset over something so simple and please don't expect me to empathize.
I know that life is slowly settling back into a routine and life and death matters aren't so close to the forefront of my mind, but I'm reminded everyday that there are more important things than the bills being paid and whether or not I remember to call someone back. I don't mean to or want to compare things, but when someone complains to me about an issue...it's hard not to. I guess my perspective is very different than it used to be. I also feel very used up and empty, I don't have much sympathy to give right now. I don't really have anything to give right now. 
Sometimes I feel really good for a few days, maybe even a week or so...but then I fall back for a few days. It seems to be settling into a pattern and I notice that if I'm feeling especially well for a while, I'm going to crash for a few days. It's like I find the joy in life again, but I'm not quite ready for it. The contrast in being able to find any joy is brought into such stark relief with the sadness and pain.  
I do find that the grief still surprises me at the most unusual times. The places I've cried....not really anywhere you'd necessarily suspect to cry and sometimes the obvious places too. The shower, my bed, work, the cereal aisle at the grocery store, the gas station waiting to get my gas pumped and driving on the freeway. It's almost funny how normal it has become to cry, but certainly not over spilled milk.....

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