Our family

Our family

Saturday, November 10, 2012

Anger and hate

Wow, have I ever been angry lately! Sometimes I've been so angry that I almost can't stand myself. I found my thoughts focusing on old hurts and people that aren't even in my life anymore, just ranting, angry thoughts. I feel so hateful! I hate the world somedays. I hate other drivers while I'm driving, I hate that woman who smiled at me - she looks too happy. I hate the red lights, I hate the snow, I hate, hate, hate! I finally realized the other day that this anger has nothing to do with any of these old issues or the world itself, it's part of the grief. I am angry that my child died. I hate that my baby died and never got a chance at life.
Of course I'm angry, I'm so mad at the world right now. I want to yell and scream and I want someone to hurt as bad as I do! I hate that some people are hurting as bad as I am. I know this isn't helping, lashing out will only make me feel worse in the long run. I'm not that kind of person, I can't stay this level of angry for very long. It hurts to feel so wound up, but that's how everything feels lately. It all just hurts.

No comments:

Post a Comment