Well we're into May now... Sheesh time flies. We passed our first first...the anniversary of Max's diagnosis was April 26th. I'll never forget that day. I was scanning through Facebook posts of complaints about how ugly the weather was and thought about how nice it was the year before. What a beautiful sunny day it was, I went to my early morning appointment in sandals and capris and left my sweater at home. I was so excited to find out the baby's sex and had absolutely no idea that anything could be wrong. I'll never look at life through those rose coloured glasses again.
The other day I caught myself thinking it has been six months since Max was born, then I realized it's actually been almost nine. Almost nine months, he's been gone for almost as long as we had him. Wow!
I don't know when I stopped paying attention to the passage of time, I guess it got too painful to think about. I still don't like to think about it. It means it's been longer and longer since I've held him and it will still be such a long time until I can again. I will forever wait to see his face again.

We released balloons for him with the family on Mother's Day weekend. We really liked writing him notes and sending them to heaven. It's something we will do on his angelversary too, another first anniversary that's coming much too quickly.