Maxwell's Birthday Fundraiser

What a blast we had planning and executing Max's birthday fundraiser and it was a huge success! It was truly a labor of love in his name and we really enjoyed having something that allowed us so much focus on him.








We chose to raise funds for the Kinsmen Foundation because we love their dedication to helping local families in need. They helped us travel to Toronto to see doctors when Max was diagnosed in utero with a congenital diaphragmatic hernia. They covered our travel and accommodation costs and were willing to continue to do so for as long as we needed to be there. They really do understand just how stressful it is for families in these situations and they did their best to make things as easy as possible for us.






So we wanted to help them to continue to help others in memory of our sweet little Max. We held our fundraiser at Schryer's Smoked BBQ house in Saskatoon on August 24th and almost one hundred people attended! There were silent auction items and door prizes and a 50/50 draw, it was fantastic and the food was great!

 Thanks to everyone who helped us celebrate Maxwell's second birthday in heaven and thanks for helping us raise funds for such a good cause!

Maxwell Bear

We had heard about a wonderful organization that makes bears to the weight your baby was, they are called Molly Bears, each bear is hand made and everything is done by donation. Our Maxwell Bear came just the other day, what a jumble of emotions to hold his precious weight again!
I'm in the middle of planning his second birthday/angelversary extravaganza and there is so much focus on him right now and having his bear, as a physical representation of him that I can cuddle.... It's just so special. I'm really having a great time planning everything and I love that this gives me an excuse to spend time focusing on my Max.

I snuggle my Max Bear at least once a day and now so can his brother and sister, thanks again Molly Bears!

ABC, 123, baby you and me!

I can't think of any better way to explain this than this. Having Madeline, adding to our family again....I feel like part of my alphabet is missing or the number two from my count. I have baby one and baby three here and somehow that adds up to two... But I don't have two kids, I have three.
I can see so clearly the hole that Max left in our family. There is a size missing between my great big three and a half year old and this new baby, there should be a one and a half year old too.
And now, having Madeline, I can't help to notice all of the things that we missed out on with Max. All of these thoughts that I wouldn't let myself have, the places I tried to avoid going... I can't watch Madeline doing all of these things and not think about how he didn't have the chance to do them. Thinking about what he would have looked like smiling and how he would have sounded if he could have cried or cooed. It's like I can't move forward with my family without devoting some time to his memory and who he could have been.
It's painful. It is cracking open the grief all over again, but it's probably a good thing. I think in a way it's healing too.
I will always feel that someone is missing from our family, this void will always be here. While I do sometimes answer that I have two kids, I feel like I'm lying. I feel like people must know or see through my answer as I stutter over the number, because it just doesn't add up.