Every time I turn around someone is having a baby, announcing a pregnancy or going on about babies or being pregnant! I am happy for everyone, but more importantly I immediately worry for them and pray for them. I guess this is because I can no longer look at life naively. I am all too aware of just how fragile it is and how easily things can go wrong. What a wonderful and magical time pregnancy is, but also terrifying for me and unfortunately probably for a lot of my friends now too.
It's sad because most people don't think they know anyone who has lost a baby or child. Stop and think, you probably know more people than you thought. Especially loss through miscarriage, people really don't feel comfortable talking about that.
Anyways, I haven't seen or held a new baby since Max and I don't think I'm ready to. I guess I do sometimes find myself jealous of them, I wonder why me and not them? Not that I would wish this on anyone, besides I believe Max came to this earth how he was meant to. I would love to have kept him forever if he could have been healthy and whole, but then he wouldn't have been Max.
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well" Psalm 139: 14
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